For almost 10 months now, I’ve been a ‘Stay home mum’. This honorary title apparently depicts an image of a lady stretched out in a hammock sipping cocktails all day as her baby plays nearby. The slow paced, leisurely nature of this role as a mother prompts innocent bystanders to accost you with their famous question;

What do you do all day?

Despite extensive preparation, I am always lost for words when faced with this question. I don’t earn any money, I don’t make any contributions to science and I still have no clue where Argentina is (so clearly not educating myself either). So for my own benefit and for the curious onlookers, here is a breakdown of what I do all day.

00:00 – Exhaustion

Kiara: Sound asleep

Me: Off to bed after cleaning the kitchen and mopping the floor

02:00 – Night terrors

Kiara: *yells* – translated to: Where is my mummy? Mummy! Mummy! Mummy

Kiara back to sleep after 30 mins

05:30 – The prelude

Kiara: babble babble babble babble. Hey, there is this new game. It’s called pull the black strings and hear a sharp scream.

Me: Don’t pull my hair please please please!

Kiara: Check out these karate moves mummy. Look I can kick your face and your tummy and your face again.

After 30 mins and milk we are back to bed.

07:30 – Rise and Shine

Diaper change, brushing (eating toothpaste), bath, jump in the activity gym while mummy prepares breakfast.

09:00 – Breakfast aka pancake throwing ceremony

Kiara eats 1/2 a pancake, throws the rest on the floor and smears it on herself too.

09:30 – Exasperation level 1

Mummy cleans up and vacuums the floor while Kiara pulls/knocks over everything she sees.

10:00 – The rush hour

Mummy runs around the house like a mad woman trying to get us to either rhyme time, swimming, playgroup or whatever we have that day. Kiara usually contributes by deciding to dirty her clothes, poop or cry persistently for no reason.

11:30 – Nap time

Kiara naps as mummy tries to get lunch ready in 3o mins.

12:00 – Lunch aka house looks too clean I need to dirty it time

Throw food, eat some, throw again, refuse to be fed, yell, laugh, giggle.

13:00 – Exasperation level 2

Mummy cleans up and vacuums again.

14:00 – Errands

Grocery, post office, pay bills, whatever

15:00 – Nap time 

Kiara naps and mummy prepares dinner

16:00 – Evening tea

Kiara enjoys fruits. Sometimes she may even eat them.

17:00 – Play time

Mummy and Kiara roll around, playing hide and seek, picking leaves, making silly noises. We love this time.

18:00 – Cranky time

Kiara is tired. Kiara is angry. Kiara is moody. Kiara wants attention. Kiara wants her mummy. Where is mummy? She is playing with the pots,pans and the stove.

18:30 – Dinner time

Reduce the woman to tears by spitting out food and then make her happy again by giving a two-teeth only smile.

19:00 – Bed time madness

Bath, pyjamas on, prayers and story. Usually ends peacefully at 19:30 with Kiara sleeping like an angel in her cot.

19:30 onwards

The clearing up, the cleaning up, the next day preparations, the tears, the recollection of new words spoken, new actions.

23:30 – Bedtime for mummy

Sometime in between, I eat something/anything, I bathe, I pray, I make phone calls, I reply texts, I hold on to the last bits of my sanity, I laugh, I live.

What do I do all day? Nothing. Just a stay at home mum.