Every day you melt my heart with your toothless smile, twinkling eyes and your little goo-goo-gah-gah’s. Despite being a cutie pie, little lady, you really need to get your act together. You are already 7 months old and it’s about time you grasped some of these concepts of living.

Vomiting on people is NOT acceptable

I understand that we all have those nauseous moments that make us feel absolutely terrible, but that is hardly a valid excuse to throw up on people’s clothes, faces or anywhere on them. By the way, this might come as a surprise but if you do vomit on the floor, it is best not to spread that vomit around with your hands.

Differentiate between edible and inedible

Yes, shocking I know! Judging from your daily favourite activity of eating toys, clothes, handphones and books, this could be a nasty reality check. We don’t usually eat those things. Food is meant to be eaten, which is what you play with. Once you just swap these two around, we’ll be fine.

Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping is rude. You are obviously doing this on a regular basis. How else can you explain your late night tantrums that occur precisely on days Daddy and I plan to go out for a late night dinner?

Bathwater is not meant to be drunk

You know that pretty orange sippy cup I hand over to you after every meal? The one you turn upside down and drench yourself with? That water/juice is meant to be drunk. Soapy bathwater is not recommended.

Exposing your mummy

Though my food stained t-shirt and leggings don’t look very classy, I still would like to hold on to my dignity (or whatever is left of it). I know that you are hungry; you do not have to pull down my shirt and expose me to further prove your point.

Allow me to eat

Maybe it is out of concern for my expanding waistline that you choose to poop, get sleepy, cranky or just generally unhappy exactly two seconds before I put food in my mouth. However, there are better ways to show that concern. For example, you could take a longer nap so that I can exercise. I heard it is safer than starvation.

Communicate clearly

I agree that your ooohhh-s and ahhhh-s sound very musical and pleasant. Unfortunately, they don’t mean much. Please expand your vocabulary. Crying and yelling is emotional blackmail.

We obviously have quite a bit to sort out, but this list is good to start off with. I trust you are a fast learner, given that you have in this short period of time mastered the art of getting your way with me all the time. Good luck Kiara!